I've caused too much burden to too many people.
Pain, many people experienced and suffered because of me is too enormous.
There is no way I can imagine how large all the pain that I would have to endure would be in the future either.
Even the remaining part of my life would be burden to other people.
I can't do anything due to my poor health condition.
I cannot read any book nor write anything either.
Don't be too sad, and don't blame on anyone.
It is the fate.
Cremate me!
And leave only a very small tomb stone at some place near my house.
It's a very old thought.